Are there different ways of talking so that children listen? One could say yes. However, if we want to have a productive conversation, with an exchange of views and true active listening, there is only one valid method, the assertive one.
We understand that, at certain times, as parents, we may feel frustrated. It makes sense. If we add the burdens of work, daily life and children, we may reach unpleasant situations in which the impossibility of proper communication causes anger, lack of patience and occasional shouting because we observe that our children do not listen to us.
However, good communication is key to create a positive climate at home and that communication is assertive, always adding, listening and respecting.
Find out how to talk so that children will listen
There are different ways of communicating with children. However, the assertive one will always be the best. Just as we, as adults, do not like to be shouted at, humiliated or spoken to in bad manners, neither do our children, and this is something we will always take into consideration.
Thus, an assertive communication is an effective communication at all levels. For this we use clear and coherent words, taking a firm and warm tone, but at the same time confident. In this way we achieve that the little ones respect us, listen to us and, in turn, they also feel respected and listened to.
Let's use assertiveness
That said, without a doubt, the best formula for attracting children's attention is through assertiveness. The ability to act assertively allows us to communicate clearly at all levels with high efficiency.
This type of conversation is safe, warm, positive, clear, coherent and firm. That is to say, it is not about talking to them as if we were telling them a story or the child were a baby. Rather, it is about children understanding the security in our voice, respecting time and practicing active listening.
How to practice assertiveness in communication
In order for children to attend and listen actively during the communicative act, it is convenient to use these options:
- Positive language. Avoid constant no. If we are using no all the time, the conversation becomes negative. So, instead of saying 'don't throw your toys on the floor', we can use phrases like 'avoid throwing toys on the floor, they can break'. This way, the child understands it better and more clearly and knows why it is bad to throw toys on the floor.
- Use his or her name. When addressing the child, use his or her proper name. Avoid insults or diminutives whenever the topic to be discussed requires a certain seriousness.
- No labels. It is advisable to avoid labels, cruel criticism or comparisons. Instead of directly saying 'you are a bad child', try options that do not directly attack his self-esteem, for example, saying: 'you know how to behave better'.
- Active listening. We should always know the child's opinion and point of view. To do this we must listen to him, understand him and, according to what he says, explain to him with patience and with words and sentences that he can easily understand.
Forms of communication to avoid
If you want to talk so that children will listen, you should avoid other forms of communication that do not work in the medium and long term or cause problems. For example:
- Aggressive formulas: no matter how angry we are, if we start shouting, criticizing and personal attacks, sooner or later this will become the common form of communication. The child ends up lying, avoids telling about any problem, feels fear and loses self-esteem.
- Passive formulas: these are not recommended either. If we are too cautious or soft, always using pleasant tones so as not to anger the child, we could provoke him to become aggressive, showing tyrannical and impertinent behaviors.
If you have more questions about how to talk so that children listen, in Logos Nursery School nursery school in Las Rozas we have an extensive staff of professionals who can help you in this and other tasks. We work a lot on positive communication with students and we are experts in it.
